I heard ya

This past weekend, my mom and I went on a women's retreat through our church. It was the kind where you stay for the weekend and room with others. We roomed with a couple friends and then 2 other women we just met.
The retreat was on forgiveness and allowing the Holy Spirit into your heart. There was mass both days and sessions with speakers and lots of praise and worship songs. It was actually really refreshing. It's always a nice little shot in the arm when I can manage to get away for a bit from the craziness of home, and being there with my mom and friend and all these other great women was just what I needed.
On Friday night, they talked about really listening to God and what He wanted to tell you this weekend. What was He trying to say to you while you're at the retreat.
Well, I had all of my ideas of what I was there to pray for.
I was going to pray for the adoption and our little girl, for the path to the financial resources we still need.....I was going to pray that I would be a better mom and better wife, something I pray often cuz we all can use some improvement on those things....and I was just going to pray thanks for the health and safety of my family and the blessings we have.
Well, God didn't take long to tell me what I really needed to be praying about. I was sitting there Friday night listening and I was thinking about the day and about the week to come and schedules that take over our every moment and I got this strong sense of "slow down" then some more.... "you're forgetting Me"
hmmmm....okay. That was weird. I know I need to slow down, and I know I could probably take more time out of my day to pray and talk to God. Those words just kept coming back to me over and over. Slow down...you're forgetting me. I realized right there what He was telling me.
"You're day is so full of kids and sports and school and homework and your jobs and driving from place to place.....that you've forgotten to take time out to include me in all of it"
I argued with Him at first.
God, I talk to you.
I thank you for my kids and husband and for their continued health and safety.
I pray for our little girl and the means to go get her.
The kids are in a Catholic school, we go to church every Sunday....
but then I stopped.
I stopped because I realized that God had really become an afterthought in my day. I'd go to Him if I was worried, but if all was well that day....He was out.
I realized that I (we) had the kids on a spiritual auto-pilot. We sent them off to school where we knew they talked about God and prayed the rosary and went to mass.....but we were letting them take care of that. We go to church on Sundays, but then it's Football games and homework and getting ready for another crazy week. We just left Him back at the door of that church. We say prayers before we eat and before bed...but we're just going through the motions.
I wondered....when was the last time I turned off the TV and really sat with God. When did we last do that as a family. I honestly can't say.
It's like how we take advantage of our spouse after being married a while. You know, you go on with your days and you know that they know you love and appreciate, but when was the last time you really let them know that?
God can know my heart and know my faith in Him.....but I bet He'd sure love to hear it once in a while.
So I'm human and God understands that. And, let's face it, He did bless me with all these boys that make life a bit, um...crazy....but in all that craziness He's also given us so much.
Safety, health, love, family, friends, secure jobs, freedom, faith, a home, and Himself. Now that's a gift.
On Saturday night, we had the chance to be prayed over within a small setting of only 2 other woman. I went and I shared what I was hearing.
They prayed for me and prayed that I would find that time, even if it's just 5 minutes before getting out of bed in the morning, to give to Him.
They thanked God for allowing me to hear what He was saying to me and for giving me the desire to listen and change.
They thanked God for our openness to life in these boys and for the opportunities that they have to be at a Catholic School and to be able to play sports.
And they asked Him to help me have that desire to get to know Him better and more personally.
I'd say that just about covers it.

Dream

The other night, I had a dream about Livi. It's the first time I've dreamt about the adoption at all. Whenever I was pregnant, I would have these dreams...some weird...about the baby or delivery or whatever. It's funny to me that I hadn't had one about the adoption until we got matched with her. Kinda like this is my "pregnancy" with her. Ya know, where you kinda know this little child, but not really. You know she's on her way and about the time frame she's coming.
So, my dream was this. Jason and I had just gotten back from China with her and we went over to my mom and dad's house for them to see her. Everyone was over and excited to meet her for the first time. We were all upstairs and she was coming up the steps, but stopped on the last couple so all we could see of her was from the shoulders up. She just looked at everyone and all the commotion and excitement and got a very scared look on her face. Then she started crying, held up her arms towards me, and walked the rest of the way right up to me and said "me want mama". I was shocked. I looked at Jason and said, "Did you hear that?? She called me mama. And her English was perfect." I was so excited. I scooped her up and hugged her and she calmed down. It was so cute and just made me wake up even more anxious to go get her and bring her home so we can start having those experiences for real.

Reunion

Last night we had our 20th high school reunion. It was a total blast! It actually started on Friday night with the Homecoming game and bonfire afterwards at one of the girls houses. There were about 20 people that night and we sat around the fire laughing til my stomach hurt until about 2:30am.
Saturday evening started at 6pm and went until 1am. It was dancing, food, drinks, and fun! There were about 75 people there....55 classmates and about 20 spouses. What a great time! I was in charge of the planning and so I was really happy to see how well it turned out and how much fun everyone had. Everyone was very grateful for all the work I put into it so that was nice. It just could not have gone any better. We headed to someone's house after Saturday's reunion too and sat at a bonfire again until about 3:15am. Needless to say, we are all very tired tonight. Justin has been staying with us since coming in from WA and leaves tomorrow. I think we're all gonna crash tonight.

This is everyone's nametag. Mom helped me put them together. They all had everyone's high school picture on it, so when you saw their face now, you could see what they looked like 20 years ago. Everyone thought they were pretty fun.

The welcome table when you first come in.


The girls were enjoying a "Jason sandwich"

What a fun night!!

Introducing..............

........our newest addition to the family.


Today, we received out PA (pre-approval) so we can officially show off our little girl. Didn't I tell you she was adorable!
We have decided to name her Olivia....with Livi being her nickname. We aren't sure on her middle name yet. We'd like to use a part of her Chinese name, but it's a bit of a mouthful, so we are working on that.
We have loved the name Olivia since we were pregnant with our first son. Actually, I fell in love with it 18 years ago when a co-worker had a daughter with the same name. It was unheard of at that time...it's gained a lot of popularity since then, but we just couldn't change it. We've loved it for far too long.
We are now beginning a whole new set of paperwork and red tape to get her home. The average time frame from now is about 6 mos. which puts us in China by March.
Our little Livi, as you can see, has an unrepaired cleft lip and palate. We aren't sure whether or not it will be fixed by the time we go get her. We are prepared for it to not be....either way is fine with us. She is a healthy little girl and sounds like a real spitfire. I think she'll fit right in with all these crazy boys.
She will be 2 years old in November and is doing all the things an almost 2 yr. old should be doing...
.....except knowing the real love of a family. That part, to her, is a foreign concept. The idea of only 2 people to care for her rather than a sea of caretakers. The idea of brothers that will dote on her like the princess she will certainly be around here. The comfort of coming home at the end of a busy day and feeling safe in her own room.
She is most definately in for a whirlwind of emotion.....and so are we.

Waiting.....

If you ever want a lesson in patience.....adopt a child. It's definitely out of my comfort zone to have to wait and wait for each new step. We waited for our immigration to get filed, we waited for our new passports after losing the first ones, we waited for our LID, and now we wait for our PA (pre-approval). This does not sit well with a person who, when she gets an idea in her head, gets stuff done....quick. I really am trying to be patient. I'm trying to listen to the friends....voices in my head....that keep reminding me that there is a reason for everything and that this timing is no different. That the 3 week wait here, the rule change there, the delay over there....all get us to our little girl. One of those things being different would not have given us the same smiling face and beautiful huge brown eyes. I know this, I just have a hard time surrendering to it. I'm trying though. What choice do I have.

My football players

I have been so wrapped up in adoption news that I never even shared what's been going on with the boys and their football season.
It's been interesting, to say the least. But, then again, is anything here boring? We pretty much epitomize the phrase...."Never a dull moment."
This year, it was 3 going into football. Last year was 2, year before that was one...you get the idea. Basically, hubby and I are gluttons for punishment and apparently didn't think we were busy enough.
Anyhooo....
Since the teams go by grade, they were all three on seperate teams. Of course.
This was the schedule rundown for practices that began in mid August.
Getting to practices....
Tyler - 5:30pm (monday - friday)
Trae - 5:45pm (monday - thurs)
Timmy - 6:15pm (monday thurs)
...all at different parks. Of course.
Getting picked up from practice...
Tyler - 7:00pm
Trae - 7:15pm
Timmy - 8:00pm
Now, because I work on Tues. and Thurs. nights, that meant that Jay had to do this all on his own....with 2 little ones in tow....somehow getting them all fed dinner at some point as well....God help that poor man.
Fast forward a few weeks to when the games start.
Now, practices are the same, but we've added games.....lots of 'em
Tyler now has a game every Saturday and Sunday. Sunday. Huh?
Trae has games every Monday and Wednesday
Timmy has games every Tuesday and Thursday.
In case you lost count, that's 7 days a week.
Wasn't that nice of them to spread them all out like that.....just for us...
But wait....don't forget that now school has started. So on top of it all, we have to somehow squeeze in homework and getting to bed at a decent time. Notgonnahappen
Something had to give....and since I'm pretty sure they wouldn't let us adopt another child if we chose dinner as the thing to cut out....we don't get them to bed on time. Ever.
Exhausting right? Well....I'm not done.
See, what I didn't yet mention was that in the second week of practice Tyler fell backwards and broke his thumb right at the growth plate. He got a cast up to his elbow and was out for 3 weeks. That didn't stop him from wanting to go to practices and games though. He knew if he did that, he could get back into the game with a couple weeks left in the season.
Three weeks came, he got his cast off, got it re X-rayed....and then got told by the dr. that he could not play. He said he should not do any contact sports for at least another 3 weeks. ??? To say he was not a happy camper was an understatement. All this time he spent going to the games and practices only to be told that it would not pay off was not what he was hoping to hear. I have to admit, at that point, all I could think was "if I'd have known this 3 weeks ago, I could have probably gotten our registration fee back..."
So, that was Tyler.
Timmy....is another story. Like I said, Never a dull moment. Tim was trying to pop a wheely on his bike in the backyard when he fell backwards hitting his head....hard. He got a concussion and was told he couldn't play for 2 weeks. That time has just come and gone. Last night, he was back to playing and was happy about that.
Trae is the only one that didn't lose play time this year. It's a good thing too cuz that kid is goooood. He plays offense and defense for the entire game. Plays several positions and becomes a big part of most plays. Last night he got the teams only touchdown by running in a hand off. We were very proud of him.
I think he uses all that energy that drives me outtamymind all day long and channels it into kickin' butt on the field.
Works for me.

Listening

Wow, what a crazy couple days.
Jason stayed home from work on Tues. to be with me to get some stuff done with the referral. We needed to write up our LOI (Letter of Intent) to get sent asap to China. We wrote and sent it, it got translated and sent back to the agency and just had to be uploaded and submitted along with a few other things.
No problem, right?
Wrong.
We got a call on Tues. night from Jill, our social worker. She was just on her way home at 9pm because she had been struggling all day with a computer issue that wouldn't allow her to submit our paperwork. She was on the phone back and forth all day with a woman named Tu, who is the agency's liaison in China. Tu kept trying to reach someone at the CCAA (the place that facilitates all the adoptions) but was unable to because they were all off for mid-autumn festival. The problem was that after 72 hours (which happened on Tues. night) the lock is released and we lose the referral. Jill had called a couple other agencies and found out that one of them was not having the same problem. It was for this reason that we were sure she was lost for us. If the system is affecting only sporadic agencies, then the ones that aren't affected will have the opportunity to now lock into our little girl. Because CCAA was closed for 3 days, there was no way she wouldn't be snatched up in that time. She's a girl, under the age of 2, with a minor need....they don't stay unlocked on the SN list for long. Jill was very sorry, but there was nothing she could do.
We were so sad and very frustrated.
Could a computer glitch really just have taken this little one who's face we already adored?
Surely, God had not put her on our hearts only to take her away. We just didn't know what to think or how to feel.
The next day we woke up with the thought that if we were lucky we might get a new referral that week, but more than likely we felt we would be waiting another month.

At noon, I was at mom's house and Jill called me on my cell. She told me that the CCAA found out about the problem and discovered it was actually system wide. Every agency had the same problem. That meant that not only were there tons of people who got the same bad news as we did the night before, no one was able to lock into our child. They allowed everyone to re-lock the same child (something not normally allowed once the time frame ends) and extended the deadline for paperwork until noon that day. Jill found this out at 11:00am and frantically got all our papers uploaded and submitted just in time. I couldn't believe what I was hearing so I asked her just to be sure I wasn't misunderstanding her.....You mean we got her back??

Yes. We did.

I had woke up that Wednesday morning to my alarm going off to my favorite Christian station. The DJ was in the middle of a sentence that caught my attention, even in my half asleep mind. "....maybe you got a call yesterday that changed something in your life, and now you don't know what to do. Offer it up to the Lord and cast your worries on Him. Trust that His plan will be layed out for you."
I made the decision that morning to do just that.
Surrender it all to Him.
There was nothing I could do to change the situation.....but He could....and He did. God is so good to us and we are forever grateful.