Last night I got home from work a little earlier than usual and picked up some pizza on the way home. This after having a good dinner all prepared in the crock pot, but finding out from Jason that by 7pm it was still not done (it was planned to be done by 5)....I think the crock pot is on it's last leg. Anyhooo.....we were all sitting there eating and Timmy says to me, "Today at recess Tony told a kid that he couldn't come to our school because he was black" **just picture Jay and I with the widest eyes possible** I immediately whispered to Jay out of the corner of my mouth "Don't freak out" He has a tendancy to just get upset and get the kids on the defensive before finding out the whole story. I looked at Tony who had already started crying and was saying it was a joke, he was joking. The first good thing we found out was that this boy did not hear Tony. Thank goodness, check that off the list of phone calls we would be making to apologize.
Here's the conversation (it's easier to tell this way...LOL)
Me: Tony, why would you say that?
Tony: I was just kidding (he's crying this whole time)
Me: That is not a joke, it's never funny to say that to someone. If that boy had heard you, he would have been so hurt by that. He would have told his parents and they would have told Ms. B and Ms. B would have called us and we would be calling that boys parents to apologize. Why would you say that to someone? (I just knew this wasn't the sort of thing he just came up with on his own, and he obviously never heard anything at home that would make him say that)
Tony: It was in a book that Miss Crowly read to us. (still crying...he knew this wasn't good)
Me: Did the book have a black boy get told that same thing by someone?
Me: And then did the book talk about how that was wrong and that you shouldn't ever think that way?
Tony: Yes, it said that the boy could go to the school.
Me: Okay...I'm glad to hear that because at least I understand now where you got that from. But Tony, don't ever say anything like that again. It makes absolutely no difference what color someone's skin is. A person with darker skin than yours is exactly the same as you and they can be your friend, they can be your teacher, they can be a policeman, they can even be our President just like Pres. Obama...right?
Tony: I know that mom, I wasn't trying to be mean. (his face looked pitiful this whole time)
Me: I know you didn't, but just know that you can't ever even joke like that. Ya know, when we adopt your little sister she is going to have skin that is darker than yours and she will also have eyes that are different than yours. Would you like it if someone made fun of her eyes?
Me: Me either, that would make her very sad. Now, are you sure this boy didn't hear you?
You get the point. So...that was our dinner conversation. The best part was when this was all done and Jason hadn't said a word during the whole thing. He looked at me and said, "I would have never gotten that whole story....he would have been up in his room and probably writing an apology by now" It was good for him to see that sometimes you gotta dig deep and also give your kids the benefit of the doubt with stuff like this. I mean, we know our kids....we know what stories sound exactly like something they would do and which ones just don't add up...like this one. He told me he was impressed. Ha. Check one for mom.