Go downstairs

Today I baked 16...scratch that...17 cakes for Pat and Lindsey's wedding. One fell apart as I tried to flip it. Of course it had to be one of the 14 inch ones. That, along with a few minor set backs had me at Mike's from 11-5:30 today. I'm glad that's done. Now for the fun part of decorating. Less than 2 weeks away.

As the afternoon wore on and I was cleaning my kitchen mess waiting for the last of the cakes to finish, I noticed an amazing scene. Alex was upset that Tony, who I'd brought with me, wouldn't play catch with him. Instead of Mike telling him to find something else to do or go downstairs, he got up and played catch with him himself. This, of course, brought Tony to his feet to join in. So there they all were, Alex, Tony, and Sam playing catch in the living room with Mike. At the same time Molly, who had spent the past 20 minutes climbing all over a patient Kristin while she tried to read the Sunday ads, was now comfortably sitting on her mom's knee as she went over the details of a Disney World book page by page. I literally just stood there leaning on the stove for a while....watching....thinking..... What would the reactions have been at my home to the same situations.
"Tony doesn't want to play catch with me"
"Well, you shouldn't be playing catch in the house anyway"
"Can we go outside and play"
"Not now" Of course, this is because I'm too lazy to get up and have to bundle up Tanner and Tony
"Well, what should I do?"
"Go downstairs"

sigh........

Go downstairs. A mantra at our home. When the boys are grown and talking about the memories of their childhood and what they remember best, will THIS be the thing that comes to mind. Go downstairs. I'm beginning to wonder what the true appeal of our house was almost 4 yrs. ago. What it the large garage? The great backyard? Was it the nice location? Or was it the fact that we can live in a house with our children and not even know they are here.

sigh.....

I think I live my life as a mom thinking that just the mere fact that I'm HERE, I've done my job....I'm home when they get off the bus, I kiss them goodbye in the morning, I'm cheering at all the wrestling matches and spending nearly every weekday of the summer at the ball field. Good, right? Yah. But what about the small stuff. The stuff that happens in the moments they need you most. Am I there? Or am I distracted....tired...impatient..... I shutter at the thought that I've made them feel like a burden on a regular basis.

sigh......
insert feelings of shame and regret here.....