"Tell your children of Him, and let your children tell their children, and their children to another generation." Joel 1:3

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Feeling a little unsure

I had to get out of the house today. I've been feeling so lazy this week...just tired and unmotivated to do anything at all. The sun is out and the weather is a balmy 17' so I left. I went to Target to pick up a few needed items, but as it always is with that store...you never actually leave with only a few items.
I didn't go crazy....I never really do. But I did find myself just wandering slowly through the toy and baby aisles looking for things to bring to China for Olivia. I want some things for when we first meet her (and more importantly, when she first meets us) to catch her eye and distract her from will certainly be a difficult day for her.
I got some bubbles....what 2 yr. old can resist that.
I found a little magna doodle.....an idea I got from another bloggers pics from her gotcha day.
I bought some little girl socks and little girl tank top undershirts. These are things I hadn't really thought about til recently.
I would like to be able to bring her some little finger foods like Cheerios or raisins. Something to offer her and calm her. The problem is, we just don't know what we can give her. We have no idea, and probably won't until we see her, what sort of surgeries or repairs she's had done to her lip and palate. We have to go into this not expecting anything to be different than her photo we've been looking at for 4 months. I don't know what we'll feed her.
Can she only have soft foods?
Or can she have things that are easily disolved or mushed in her mouth?
Then I stopped by the cups to find a good sippy cup. Something with a soft top to sip from. Something with a 'no-spill' feature. But then it occurred to me. If a baby can't suck a bottle with an open palate, what makes me think she can suck on a sippy cup top. Especially the kind that won't spill....you have to work at those to get anything out.
I found myself just standing there looking at the 50 different options and feeling like a first time parent with absolutely no idea what to get for her.
Back when I really was a first time parent, I would tackle those things head on. Not intimidated by it at all. Just made a decision and picked one, knowing that it wouldn't really make a huge difference.
But this time....this time was different. It does matter what I get.
The biggest thing is.....how will I find out. I can talk to other parents of children with clefts, but it won't be Livi's story. And she can't tell us what she likes to eat and what she doesn't.
This will definitely be a learning experience in parenting. Seems sort of weird to feel unsure about it when it's our 6th child.
I know it will be a huge learning experience.
I'm ready for it....I just hope she is.