Decisions, Decisions...

We are so excited and anxious to get the adoption process started, but have begun to have some reservations about when exactly we should do it.
On one hand, the sooner, the better....on the other hand, it can't happen too soon for financial reasons.
When we listened to the webinar last week, they said that once a home study is done (around 4 mos.) that the longest it's ever taken a person to get their referral is 6 mos....the LONGEST. Wow...that would mean less than a year from start to finish.
I have this ideal time frame in which I think this should happen (end of next summer or early fall of 2010 would be perfect), but I'm trying to stay realistic and realize that I can't control this, and that, actually, I shouldn't try and control this. I have to believe...no I DO believe that God has a plan for us with this process and that He has a child for us that He's orchestrated since before I even met Jason. My main concern is that things go so fast that we won't be ready with the money needed at the end. I do not want to have to pause or delay the process because of that, so all I can do it trust. Trust the process, trust my gut, and mostly....trust God, that He will show us the way.

So exhausted.....

....I can hardly keep my eyes open even when I'm standing up. It's such an awful feeling. I'd give anything to just go up to bed and sleep the rest of the day.

I've been really trying to look at the daycare as a blessing rather than a burden. Instead of dreading the morning rush of kids, I'm saying thank you to God that I have them coming and that I am able to make the money needed for our goals. I know it's a good thing...it's just hard to remember at 6:45 in the morning. I almost don't remember what it was like to not have to work all day. Guess that means I really took it for granted....never again.

The kids are painting right now and my head is pounding. I'm really considering not going into work tonight, but I have a couple clients..one of which I'm styling cuz she has a wedding to attend tomorrow night. We'll see.

Last night, I spent $460 on groceries. Holy Cow...that's a record for me. I can't remember the last time I even did a big shopping though and we were soooo low on things and the pantry was almost empty. Thing is, as much as that is, it's still cheaper than what we've been doing which is getting $20, $60, or even $100 of groceries at a time. It adds up quicker that way.

Tanner is at mom's for the last Thurs. I absolutely hate sending him there the night before. I feel so guilty that I'm here at home taking care of other children while my own has to go away. At least it's over.

work out

Last night, Jason and I went with Amy D. to get a membership at the new club called Fitness 19. It's only going to be $29 a month for both Jay and I. Can't beat that....that's the sort of price that I can pay even when I don't use the membership. Ha! I'm really going to try to go often. It's small and simple, but it has everything we need to get in shape. We're considering a package with a trainer to work out with for a bit. We'll see.

Lighthearted moment of the day.....Tanner was poking Jason in the car with his chop sticks from the other day when we went to the Japanese restaurant and he said..."Dad, I'm getting you with my pork chops" HA!! I crack up every time he calls them that.

Fun weekend

This was a busy weekend. Yesterday was Kaylee's 1st communion and today was Trae's. We celebrated for both with a party at Mindy's last night which worked out well.....we could work it together and then not have to entertain seperately, two days in a row. We got Kaylee a bike for her day.....I was really excited cuz I just found out that hers had broken and so she didn't have one for the summer. It was fun to see her face when Jay brought it upstairs.
This morning I was at Walmart getting something to wear for today. Nothing like waiting til the last minute. I needed to do all this stuff on Friday night, but Jay and I went out instead....that was better.
Today was Trae's big day. He looked so handsome and he's getting so big. He was so nervous in church...he kept saying "oh my gosh, it's almost time" Too cute.
Then when we got back to the pew, he said "that wine was good". I love it..how honest.




Since we celebrated last night with everyone, we decided to just do something with the boys. We went to a fun Japanese restaruant where they cook the food in front of you and put on a good show with knives and fire. The boys LOVED it! Here are some hi-lites!






After going home and changing, we went to the bowling alley to go bowling. The boys loved that too. We gave Trae a boombox and CD and then a cross necklace made for a boy. They were all so grateful and kept thanking us for such a fun day. They're good boys and it was fun to do that for them. Makes me think about how fun it would be to go to Disney World with them and see their faces there.

Lighthearted moment of the day.............It has to be how Tanner kept calling his chopsticks, "pork chops". Too funny! The boys were given kids 'cheater' sticks that had like a spring action so they were easy to use. He used them the whole time and kept saying how much he liked using pork chops to eat his dinner. Ha! I love it.

Dear Jesus

Trae wrote this letter to Jesus for his First Communion this weekend. I thought it was so sweet, I esp. like the last line.
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Dear Jesus,
Thank you for creating me. Thank you for me having a family. I am kind of nervous and excited for my First Communion, but I k now you will help me. I love you and I will pray to you every day and my class prays to you too. I hope you come down some day. Love, Trae

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Last night, Jason and I 'attended' a webinar about adopting from China in less than a year. Holy cow...a year! That's nothing. I'm almost afraid now to get started cuz we can't afford to have it go TOO quickly. Plus, we've got that cruise set for January. I suppose that's only 8 mos. away...but ya never know. I'd hate to have them coincide. That sounds so rediculous..."gee, I hope my vacation doesn't get sidetracked by the arrival of my child" Ha!

Jay and I met for some dinner and bingo on Tues. when I got off or work. It was nice to just have some time to talk and connect. We don't get that often at all....heck, we don't get it ever. All of our interaction these days is in passing or with kids at our feet. I think we're going to go out this friday...we have a free babysitter lined up and a gift card for a nice dinner, so that will be good.

It's Monday....'nuff said...

Pretty boring day...not much going on. It rained which makes the kids antsy. After all the dc kids left, we took the boys to get new tennis shoes. This is a big deal to them. They get pretty excited for something so simple.
Tyler came home and I asked him how his day went. He pulled out a list from his backpack of things kids had said to him throughout the day. All mean things....Yuck, Tyler's here, wimp, retard, and other nasty things. Not long after, he was telling me about his project that was done for science that he had to present to the class today. As he's telling the story, he says that a lot of the kids told him his was the best......hmmm....I picked up his list of bad things and said "where's THAT on the list?"
"Huh?"
"where are THOSE remarks on this page? Why aren't those on here?"
"I don't know...."
"Well, maybe part of the problem is you're too focused on the negative and not giving anyone a chance when they are nice to you. Maybe there are some nice kids in your class after all...."
"There were 2 girls who told me I was a good artist"
"go write THAT on your list....and any other compliment you just told me"
I'm not minimizing the things that hurt....but if I can get him to remember the positive as well....it might just stick to him more than the bad.

Lighthearted moment of the day.......Tyler coming home from school today and when he came up to me (I was sitting on the couch) he rubbed my face and hair and asked me how I was feeling today. It was so sweet and so sincere.

My sweet boy

Yesterday was Tyler's state DI tournament. They didn't place, which means we won't be going to Tennesee next month. They did really well, it was a good season. I had to work in the morning but then Jay came and got me to be there for the awards ceremony. When we arrived and found the kids, Tyler was sitting at the table with one of the other moms and the other kids were all playing ball. I could tell something was wrong, so I asked him to go for a walk. He started to tell me a story of the boys making fun of him not catching the ball much and telling him to be more aggressive, so he was and then knocked over some of them in the meantime. One of the other boys told him to quit being so rough and when Tyler said he was 'just having fun'....the boy said, 'yah, with how many boys?'. It was that comment that really upset him. He said this kid picks on him a lot and has made that reference before. He just sat and cried and said he wanted to lose weight and get in shape. That makes me feel so bad...that he thinks that will solve all his problems. He's not even fat, which I keep trying to tell him, but when put next to the boys his age...he sees the difference.
I said all the things a mom says to help him feel better, but I know it's not going to fix it. Then last night, he started talking to us again and crying. He said he gets picked on every day, but all the kids. I just can't figure it out....he's a nice looking boy, he doesn't act strange, he's a smart kid...I don't understand what's made him a target and neither does he.
I'm going to talk to his teacher on Monday and see if she can help me out...he can't go on like this. Then I'm going to talk to the admin and insist that next year he is put with the 2 boys that he considers his friends (neither of which are in his class this year). It just breaks my heart.


Lighthearted moment of the day......when Tony and Tanner got picked up by grandpa cuz we were at the tournament. When I got to their house to pick them up, they were with him on a walk to the park and to the creek. It was good grandpa time for them.